Post Apocalyptic Mayhem

Genre: Action, Racing

Developer: Steel Monkeys

Publisher: Meridian4 via Steam

Released: 2011

Zolgar paid: $4.99+$0.99 for DLC

Beaten: There is no beating PAM

Zolgar's rating: 7/10

Replayability: Moderate to High.

So you've seen me take a couple of nostalgia trips already, this time around though.. it's slightly different.

Back in the day, I played a lot of Twisted Metal (the first one), and while I've gotten several of the others since, none seemed to capture the same sense of enjoyment I got from the first, despite having more new and interesting characters. Part of it may have been the obsession over Sweet Tooth, but that's another story entirely.

Not that long ago though a little game called Post Apocalyptic Mayhem was released on Steam, I kinda wanted it, but knew it would control poorly with keyboard and mouse. However, as you may recall from my Darksiders review, I recently purchased a 360 pad for the PC. Shortly thereafter, Steam did a Free Weekend/50% off deal. Played it, bought it.

Now, there's some major differences between PAM and Twisted Metal, yet it still captures that same sense of .. over the top, chaotic mayhem and vehicular destruction that the first did.

Rocket car, semi with giant saw blades.
Typical racing game, yup.

PAM is technically a racing game, but it's actually a vehicle combat game which takes place on a race track. Laps have value towards winning, but you'll get a lot more kills than you will laps, so worrying about laps is kinda pointless, and it's based on time, not a set number of laps.. well at least the 'main game'.

The main thing that stands out about PAM is the vehicles, they combine the chaotic aspects of the cars from Twisted Metal and the cobbled together scrapheaps of Road Warrior (awesome movie, by the way).

Normally, in a game like this I would prove a breakdown of the details of each character.. in this instans though, I'm going to give you screen shots, and their weapons. Is this because I like you, or because I'm lazy? .. do I have to choose one?

Now, every car has 3 weapons: Front attack, Side attack and, Read attack. Which, in case you somehow could not guess means an attack that comes from the front, that comes from the sides and, that comes from the rear.

I'll classify the attacks as the follow:

Melee range: basically you have to physically ram/sideswipe your opponents to use.

Ranged: Distance attack

Mine: generally scatters and explodes.

Hazard: Dropped and stays for a short time creating a hazard on the way.

Some attacks will have special traits, as well, which I'll note.

• 
  Logger
  • Front attack: Grinder, melee range.
  • Side attack: Sawblade arms, melee range.
  • Rear attack: Log drop, hazard.
    
    
• 
  Scorch
  • Front attack: Flamethrower, ranged.
  • Side attack: Magnetic torpedoes, ranged.
  • Rear attack: Toxic landmines, mine.
• 
  Space Cowboy
  • Front attack: Magnetic field, melee. 'stuns' target and attracts debris to their vehicle, damaging them.
  • Side attack: Electro-mines, mine.
  • Rear attack: Flamethrower, ranged.
• 
  Childhood Dreams
  • Front attack: 'Scoop of Destiny', melee. Flings target behind the bus.
  • Side attack: Molotov Cocktails, ranged.
  • Rear attack: Oil Slick, hazard.
• 
  Nitrogenius
  • Front attack: Freezethrower, ranged. Freezes target.
  • Side attack: Ice slick, hazard.
  • Rear attack: Ice crystals, hazard.
• 
  Meth Alchemist
  • Front attack: Acid Canisters, ranged.
  • Side attack: Sticky Bombs, ranged. (And they look like yard flamingos)
  • Rear attack: Psuedopowerup, hazard. This drops a canister that looks almost identical to a powerup, but is actually an explosive.
• 
  Kitty With Claws
  • Front attack: Unicorn horn drill, melee.
  • Side attack: Teddybombs, mine.
  • Rear attack: Perfume cloud, hazard. Engulfs single target, deal damage over time while disabling the vehicle.
• 
  Nucloid
  • Front attack: Earthquake generator, ranged.
  • Side attack: Mini-nukes, melee.
  • Rear attack: Nuclear waste, mine.
• 
  The Veteran
  • Front attack: Jackhammer, melee.
  • Side attack: Gatling guns, ranged.
  • Rear attack: Caltrops, hazard.

The following 3 vehicles require purchase of the Chaos Pack (usually $1.99) to access at the time of writing.

• 
  Eye Scream (the requisite ice cream truck)
  • Front attack: Ice Cream gun, ranged.
  • Side attack: Cotton Candy balls, hazard.
  • Rear attack: Ice Cream Boulder, hazard.
• 
  Tow'er
  • Front attack: Crusher, melee.
  • Side attack: Wheel boots, hazard. Locks up enemies wheels.
  • Rear attack: Towed car, hazard.
• 
  The Fuzz
  • Front attack: Grenade launchers, ranged.
  • Side attack: Donut bombs, mine.
  • Rear attack: Spike strips, hazard.

There are also five tracks to cause mayhem on!

• Wasteland, a desert waste with a mixture of canyons and an old military outpost.
• Concrete Jungle, a destroyed metropolis.

• 

  Airplanes belong in the air, cars belong on the ground.

  Cold War Beach, once and ocean front city, now half buried in sand with no ocean in site. Also includes a lot of naval wreckage.
• Airplane Graveyard, a boneyard.
• Death Arena 8, a somewhat chaotic arena map, once an urban empire, now destroyed. Partially takes place in the subway tunnels.

“So that's all well and good,” you're saying, “but what about things like mechanics and whatnot?”

First, let be known I played it very little with keyboard controls. Why? Because frankly.. why would I? I only did it for a moment to see how bad they are, and as far as games like this go, it's not too bad. Arrow keys to steer and accelerate, ASD for your attacks, Shift for nitro, and random keys for different views.

Forgot how to kill? look in the right hand corner!

Gamepad makes so much more sense though, at least if you have one which PAM will auto-recognize (such as an Xbox one), simple intuitive gamepad controls. And the game conveniently has the attacks labeled for an Xbox gamepad, so if you ever forget...

The best tactic usually seems to be to stay ahead of the pack and rely on your rear and side attacks. Front attacks are good, but letting yourself be put in the position to use them can be risky, as it exposes you to front attacks, side attacks and rear attacks from your opponents. As such, I find that fast maneuverable vehicles tend to be the easiest to win with. Your mileage may vary though.

This leads to slightly stagnant gameplay once you've found the car that works best for you, and learned the choke points on the 5 maps.

My biggest real complaint though is there's no 'default attack' (like the machine guns from Twisted Metal), so all of your attacks are gathered as power ups, and you can only have 1 of each attack at a time. (Another reason to stay ahead of the pack, too, your choice of power ups.)

Aside from that, is has no mechanical flaws and plays easily.. unfortunately though, they decided, much like Sanctum, that their game doesn't need a story. This is a trend with indy/small developers that I am not liking. Forgetting that.. people like stories to their games.

Killed dreams.. just like any good parent!

The other trend I'm getting tired of in games is, you guessed it, nonachievements. PAM has it's share of them, such greats as 'kill one opponent' and 'play The Veteran'. I wish I was kidding, I really do. Granted, it does also have the greatest achievement name in the history of achievements: “Putting the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'.” It makes me giggle.

TL:DR:

“Let's make a car combat game!”

“OK, but is has to have an ice cream truck!”

Price and availability:

Amazon: $9.95

D2D: $9.95

Gamer's Gate: $9.95

GMG: $9.95

Steam: $9.99 (.. FOUR CENTS MORE! BOYCOTT STEAM!)

Sega Genesis Classics Collection

Genre: Assorted

Developer: Assorted

Publisher: Sega

Released: 2011 (bundle on Steam, most games were early/mid '90s)

Zolgar paid: $7.49

Beaten: 40 games, what do you think?

Zolgar's rating: 9/10 (bundle. Individual games vary)

Replayability: Varies by game.

So today I'm actually breaking from my norm a little.. and I'm actually breaking one of my rules, too. I'm not so much offering a specific game review, as a review of a bundle of games. The Sega Genesis/Master System collection on Steam. This contains 40 games from the Genesis and Master System, including some great classics that I spent too many hours of my childhood playing.

Granted, the bundle is $30 regular price. However, I decided it was acceptable to break my $20 rule for this, seeing as it comes out to $0.75/game, the only thing more budget friendly than that is buying it on sale!

Peaceful and serene. What could possibly go wrong?

Much like Duke Nukem 3D, there's a lot of nostalgia in Genesis games for me, and for that matter, just console games of that era in general. When I was 9 (I think) my mom got a Sega Genesis.. they weren't brand new, but it was still the giant design and the 6 button controllers weren't out yet. I still remember being woken up in the middle of the night to see the airplane level of Sonic 2. Side note: I have an awesome mother.

The Genesis has been packed up for years though, the game cartridges collecting dust, every now and then though, I miss some of the games on it. This little bundle serves to feed my nostalgia kick quite well.

So, this bundle is 40 games packages with an emulator, now that my nostalgia tripping is done, the first thing I'll talk about is the emulator itself.

First, the controls. Genesis games were not, by any means, intended to be played on a keyboard. However, the emulation software includes support for keyboard and controllers/gamepads, complete with full customization and button mapping to replicate the 6-button Genesis controllers. I didn't do much with the keyboard, I'll admit.. I have a controller, why play it inefficiently? It does map up nicely on an Xbox Controller though.

Remember when these graphics were good? .. neither do I!

It also provides you with something that very few Genesis games of the day offered: save games! You can save your progress anywhere in any of the 40 games. Granted that progress saves your current number of lives and current health. Still better than you used to get!

Mechanically I've not found any of the problems of classic emulators.. well other than if you run it at too large of a resolution it gets more pixilated than normal. Pixels? Seriously?! These are top of the line, 8 and 16 bit graphics! (Remember when we thought 16 bit was just epic?)

For the games:

1. Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
2. Alien Soldier
3. Alien Storm
4. Altered Beast
5. Bio-Hazard Battle
6. Bonanza Bros
7. Columns
8. Columns III
9. Comix Zone
10. Crack Down
11. Decap Attack
12. Ecco the Dolphin
13. Ecco: The Tides of Time
14. Ecco Jr.
15. ESWAT: City Under Siege
16. Eternal Champions
17. Fatal Labyrinth
18. Flicky
19. Gain Ground
20. Galaxy Force II
21. Golden Axe
22. Golden Axe II
23. Gunstar Heroes
24. Kid Chameleon
25. Landstalker: The Treasures of King Nole
26. Light Crusader
27. Ristar
28. Shadow Dancer
29. Shining Force
30. Shining Force II
31. Shining in the Darkness
32. Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master
33. Space Harrier II
34. Streets of Rage
35. Streets of Rage 2
36. Super Thunder Blade
37. Sword of Vermilion
38. Vectorman
39. Virtua Fighter 2
40. Wonder Boy III: Monster Lair

Yeah, sorry, I don't love you enough to review 40 games, and besides, I doubt you want to read that much anyways. There's a few specific ones I'll touch on in just a moment though.

The one thing that holds true for most anyone who goes back to playing a video game from the late 80s to early 90s, is the sudden remembering of how bloody hard games were back then.. and if you're too young to remember those days? You're probably going to feel like you just suck at video games.

Sometimes the hard elements were sheer frustration factor, other times it was just being brutally unforgiving. Things like not healing between levels, scarce health items, or just AI programmed to actually kill you.

However, while being extremely hard, it also makes the game feel far more rewarding than most modern games. Modern gaming the first few levels are basically handed to you under the guise of 'teaching you to play'. Some of these, you find yourself struggling with the first fight, wondering if there's some stupid thing you're missing because you don't have the instruction books.

Good or bad? Your call.

Then the games I wanted to mention:

Comix Zone:

This one has always stood out to me, maybe because I used to be a comic book nerd and sometimes fancy myself a writer. Comix Zone is also one of the main reasons I bought this bundle.

Who knew panel walls were so solid?

You play Sketch Turner, a 'modern day' comic book artist, who gets pulled in to his own comic book by his archvillain. Your goal? Find a way to get out of the comic book and back in to the real world before your villain becomes a full-fledged human and conquers the world.

The interesting thing about Comix Zone, is that while it's a sidescrolling action platformer, it takes place on comic book pages. You move between panels, sometimes tearing through borders. There's also some 4^th wall breaking going on. New foes are drawn in, and you can even tear up a piece of the page to throw as a paper airplane.

Comix Zone is also one of those that was brutally unforgiving. Attacking the environment hurts (and you have to do it), you don't heal between levels, health items are scarce, and you have one life.

Shining Force:

I didn't even know about this game until I got the bundle (I got in to RPGs late in to the SNES, and really with the PS1 and PC).

Shining Force offers me something that tends to be hard to find in modern games. A decent turn based tactical RPG. A pleasant surprise when I was expecting a meh-ish JRPG. Now, Shining Force is no Temple of Elemental Evil or Ice Wind Dale or the like, and plot/character wise it's very much a JRPG. But combat wise it's good, fairly simple and straight forward, no weird annoying controls to deal with (something many console RPGs could use). One minor complaint is that characters get XP individually as opposed to per combat, so your fighters will level up much faster than your squishies.

Also, in a rarity for games of it's age: death isn't game over, you get 'ported back to the last save point.. keeping the levels you've gained.

Vectorman:

Hero got.. er.. is balls.

Hailing from about the same era as Comix Zone, Vectorman was a weird little platformer that seemed to have been built more as the developers playing with new technology than anything else.

It ended up a fun one though, with an odd shapeshifting hero and all manner of interesting foes to destroy. It also runs a little easier than many games of the era. Although, of course, the boss fights are classic games of timing and coordination. Run, double jump, shoot, double jump, run, double jump, shoot. And so on.

Shinobi III, Ecco the Dolphin and Galaxy Force II also all earn honorable mention as games that I wasted far too many hours on as a child. And Galaxy Force II earns the distinction of being the only game on this list that my mom was better at than me. As much as I would like to cover those, and more, I'll stop here, so as to not spend the next 20 hours writing. (especially seeing as this will be posting in ~7 hours.)

Suffice it to say that if you're looking for a nostalgia trip, or maybe just want to step back in time to when video games were hard, and you felt like you achieved something without getting a little popup saying “Congratulations, you have picked your nose 5 times!”, this collection is well worth the price.

If you don't want to spend $30, individual games are $3 each, I would say Shining Force and Comix Zone especially are worth that.

TL:DR:

“The perfect thing to make you feel like you suck at video games.”

Price and Availability:

Steam:$29.99

Audiosurf

Genre: Casual, Driving (?), Music Driven

Developer: Dylan Fitterer

Publisher: Dylan Fitterer via Steam

Released: 2008

Zolgar paid: $9.99

Beaten: there is no beating Audiosurf

Zolgar's rating: 8/10

Replayability: High

Audiosurf is a very hard game to describe because when you try to explain it, it just sounds stupid. I have never seen it described in such a way that made me go "I want to play that!", even the game's official 'sale's pitch' doesn't. Instead of failing miserably at my own words, I'm going to cheat and use the official description:

Audiosurf is a music-adapting puzzle racer where you use your own music to create your own experience. The shape, the speed, and the mood of each ride is determined by the song you choose.

You earn points for clustering together blocks of the same color on the highway, and compete with others on the internet for the high score on your favorite songs.

See what I mean? A music adapting whozawhata? It sounds potentially cool, but mostly on the curiosity factor. Thankfully they offer a demo to sate said curiosity factor. It's a lot better than it sounds though.

Really, I think that kinda sums up my review. “It's better than it sounds, try the demo and see!” so yeah.. I think I'm done.. *saunters off to get a samvich*....... *wanders back* What, you're still here? Fiine, I guess I have to write a real review.

The description says it's a puzzle-racer. What does that mean? Well, it means that they have to declare it a puzzle game because you match color boxes, heaven forbid it be called a SKILL game, because that's what it is. It's not a puzzle game, and it's not a racer because you're always going to finish in the exact same amount of time.

I'd call it a skill game with driving elements. You pilot your 'car' on a 3 lane track (with a shoulder on either side), on which spawn colored blocks, 5 colors to be precise, worth varying amounts of points. When you collect and connect at least 3 blocks of the same color, they clear from your board and give you points based off the number and color you cleared. There are an assortment of powerups as well, such as 'paint' which turns every block on your grid the same color, 'organize' which sorts your blocks to be most efficient, and a score multiplier.

Your track is a unique track derived from the specific music file you decided to load: the speed at which you move, the twists and turns in the track, and even the block spawn, are all calculated by the song. This means that you can readily choose the feel of your game. Want something insane and intense? Just pop in Dragonforce or some other Speed Metal or the like. Want to wind down and relax? Just put in something soft and mellow. Want to try and get motion sick? Pop in something that has a beat like how Captain Kirk talked. You.. know.. like.. this.

In addition though, there are 6 'characters' you can play, each one with their own traits that make them unique to play, altering the gameplay further.

• Mono: Mono changes the game a lot. Mono's track has no shoulders (except in the casual version), and only two colors of blocks. Colored blocks, which change color depending on the intensity of the song, and gray blocks. In true block-match 'puzzle' game fashion, grey blocks are bad and you don't want to hit them, in this instance they clog up space in your match bar and take a while to go away, also lowering your over all score. For each colored block you grab in a row you earn an increasing number of points (capping at 200) just for picking them up, this is reset when you hit a gray block. Due to the difficulty Mono has of getting the other bonuses, he has a special bonus of an extra +30% to your score for hitting no gray blocks.
  Mono's special moves are: Left click: Wings, gather from all 3 lanes at once (including grays!), right click: Jump, leap over blocks if you can't get around them. (Elite mode loses jump in favor of shurikens, which damage gray blocks in your inventory, due to them not decaying over time.)
• Vegas: As the name kinda implies, Vegas is the gambler, and is based mostly on luck, and knowing when and how to press your luck. The trick to Vegas, is trying to hold out until you get something good to give you a nice large-scoring move. Just watch that you don't over fill!
  Vegas' specials are: Left click/move to shoulder: Shuffle existing blocks in grid. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Right Click: Over time, Vegas will random generate a power up, a right click will use one. She can store up to 3.
• Eraser Man: A bit of an odd one, and possibly the most tactically minded, able to build up some very impressive chain reactions, with skill and planning.
  Eraser Man's specials are: Left Click: erase all blocks from your grid of the color you just hit. Right Click: Undo last erase. (blocks will return in the same column, in the first open slot as if you hit them again)
• Pointman: Another tactical one, but somewhat less so. Pointman picks up blocks or specials and can save them for later, or drop them in a different column. Basic planning can net some nice chains or better matches.
  Pointman's specials are: Left Click: pick up block/special you just hit (up to 3 can be stored). Right Click: Drop block/special in current column. (If more than 1 is stored, you will drop the most recent.)
• Pusher: Lacks the tactical versatility of Pointman, and the massive potential of Eraser Man. Pusher tries to appeal to those who like to plan ahead, but he's far too spontaneous for that, what with only being able to push blocks left or right.
  Pusher's specials are: Left Click: nudge block you just hit one space left. Right Click: nudge block you just hit one space right.
• Double Vision: I have one word for playing Double Vision “bwah?” Double Vision is designed to be a two-player game, or one player who is just stupidly coordinated. DV has 4 lanes, and 2 cars. One car is in the left two lanes and controlled by the keyboard. The other is in the right two lanes and controlled by the mouse. Bonus points are awarded for matches that cross the center line. DV has no specials.

There are also 3 difficulty settings, though, Casual only offers Mono, Pointman and Double Vision, while Elite offers ll of them except Vegas (This is a slap in the face for me, as I enjoy Vegas the most), then there's also Iron mode, which moves faster, and it's game over if you over fill, instead of the normal loss of points.

There is also complete control over the colors of the game, as well as the ability to apply certain effects to the screen, and there's an assortment of use created mods and utilities out there for further customization.

For a casual game, Audiosurf offers a lot of options for how you want to play it.

Audiosurf also offers Achievements. 18 of them, in fact. Guess what? I'm not going to bitch about them, seriously! Audiosurf is one of the few games where I do not feel a single achievement is a pointless, worthless achievement that is tantamount to saying “congratulations, you just opened a door!” All 18 of the achievements are real achievements, and while some are royal pains in the ass to get, they're not devoted to stupidly long amounts of time. No achievement in AS has been earned by more than 80% of the players, and one has only been earned by 0.2% (I believe it can only be earned in certain songs, with Pointman or Pusher, and a lot of luck.)

If I still haven't convinced you that Audiosurf is worth your time (and money), then seriously, go play the demo. Remember, the first hit is always free.

TL:DR

*noms samvich* Vas? You really want a TL:DR now? I already gave you one.. Ah well, fine.

“It's better than it sounds, try the demo and see!”

Availability and price:

Steam: $9.99

Now lemme enjoy my samvich!

Beat Hazard Ultra

Genre: Arcade, Action (space-shooter), Music Driven.

Developer: Cold Beam Games

Publisher: Cold Beam Games via Steam

Released: 2010

Zolgar paid: $3.74

Beaten: There is no 'beating' Beat Hazard

Zolgar's rating: 8/10

Replayability: High

There are two versions of Beat Hazard, technically. Beat Hazard Classic and Beat Hazard Ultra, they are mostly the same, with Ultra having more enemies and more shinyness. As such, my review will mostly be focused on Ultra.

Beat Hazard is an arcade-style Space Shooter in the style of Asteroids, and if you had to click the link to find out what Asteroids was, congratulations, you have made me feel old. Simply put you fly your ship around the screen blasting enemy ships and flying rocks trying to kill you, while you collect power ups.

As far as an Asteroids Clone goes, it's actually pretty good. A lot of enemies to face, both in-game pickups to boost your power, as well as upgrades to your vessle that carry through your game. Of course there are also assorted game-play modes, and multiplayer for if you feel like it. Paired with nicely polished, very shiny graphics, you get a game that is well worth playing.

However what stands out about Beat Hazard is it's engine. Music powers Beat Hazard, and any music you feel like playing from your computer in fact. The tempo of a song determines how fast enemies move and how fast their attacks move, and in general how many foes there are. Unfortunately it also determines how fast you shoot, and seems to adjust the power of your attacks, too.

This means though, if you're wanting something slow and mellow, very relaxing to play, you can just hit a soft slow song, but if, instead, you want something insane and fast paced to play you can pop in Dragonforce or the like, allowing you to control how your game plays out. As an added bonus, you're guaranteed background music that doesn't suck.

The bigger music collection you have, the more options you have and the more replayability Beat Hazard gives you.

Beat Hazard offers 4 main gameplay modes:

"Standard", One track at a time, try to avoid dying much, rack up a high score and get money.

"Survival", It plays through one album, or folder of music, and if you survive it all, starts over again. Last as long as you can!

"Boss Rush", Like Survival, only every wave is bosses. See how many waves you can get! (great source of money)

"Chill Out", The mode for if you don't want to worry about death and score and stuff. It plays like Survival, except you have infinite lives, and several perks automatically maxed out.

There is also 2-player co-op or Head to Head, available either through an ingame server, or playing on the same rig (requires at least 1 game controller that the game believes is an Xbox controller).

For the completionist there are a few extras:

23 Perks to unlock. Perks alter the game, usually in your favor, some add a spawn of random powerups at the start of the game, some increase your score multiplier, others give you new equipment. Only a limited number can be active at any time though, unfortunately, so it requires you to decide exactly what you want to be able to excell at. While Perks are unlocked by gaining Ranks, you have to purchase the Perk to be able to activate it, then you can use money to further upgrade your perk to make it more effective.

26 Ranks to achieve, ranks are based off your total score. Every time you go up a rank, you unlock a new Perk, although if you go up more than 1 rank at a time, you only unlock 1 perk still.

43 Achievements, by now if you've read many of my reviews you know I like to mock achievements, because they're anything but. Beat Hazard is really no exception, there are a few achievements that are 'real' achievements, but most of them are just the same crap that passes for achievements in every other game, playing the game how it's supposed to be played, or playing for an arbitrary amount of time. Thankfully there's only 43.

One further note about the two versions of the game. You might be tempted to just buy Beat Hazard classic as it's only $9.99, but it really lacks the polish and options of Ultra. And if you consider, the Ultra upgrade is $4.99, and the iTunes file support is $1.00, combined that would be $15.98, while Beat Hazard Complete is $12.99 with everything.

TL:DR:

"Beat Hazard, Asteroids' raver of a little brother."

Availability and price:
Steam: $12.99
XBox Live: 400 points
(I am unsure if the XBL version is Ultra or not)

Dino D-Day

Genre: FPS (Multiplayer, team-based)

Developer: 800 North and Digital Ranch

Publisher: 800 North and Digital Ranch via Steam

Released: 2011

Zolgar paid: $14.99 (for 4 copies)

Beaten: N/A

Zolgar's rating: 5/10

Replayability: Since you can't 'beat' it, you I suppose you're never 'replaying'?

This is one of those games that when I first saw it, I busted up laughing and knew I would have to try despite my general aversion to FPS. Then of course I forgot all about it, until Steam ran a 'free weekend', so I tried it. That free weekend happened to coincide with a 50% off sale, which happened to be shortly following the devs decision to half the price.. so I bought it, too.

Now, you can't mean to tell me you've never been looking at a history book, reading about World War II and thought “Maaan, what if they had dinosaurs? That would make this history stuff worth reading about!” and then spent your history class daydreaming about Nazis riding dinosaurs, instead of reading about the concentration camps.

Well, now you can stop daydreaming and start fighting! Join the Allies and fight against Nazi Super-Dino-Soldiers! Or, you can side with the Nazis and BE one of the Super-Dino-Soldiers!

...Maybe after a long weekend of playing Dino D-Day you'll be able to pay attention when they try to teach you about Auschwitz. (Depressing read, you have been warned.)

The premise of Dino D-Day is pretty simple:

Jurassic Park, only with Nazis instead of a crazy old scientist, and taking over the world instead of an amusement park.

Though there's a nod to JP in one of the bits of 'flavor text' from the games website:

I am astonished that the promised recreational park featuring these noble beasts did not materialize, even though Mister Goebbels sent us convincing tickets of admission and discount coupons to the park gift shoppe. However, it appears now that this was a well planned deception. I now believe that Hitler has planned all along to use these dinosaurs for evil, and that there shall be no park in our time.

Let's be honest though.. Nazis+Dinosaurs.. who needs anything more?

As of writing the review there are 7 playable characters for each side.

For the Axis we have:

• Streicher, an assault trooper equipped with a Mauser K98 (bolt-action infantry rifle), an MP-40 (machine gun), grenades, and a knife. He's a grunt, an elite grunt mind you, but still a grunt.
• Hissman, a sniper equipped with a scoped Mauser K98, a Luger (semi-auto pistol), grenades, and a knife. He can also call down a kamikaze pterodactyl rigged with explosives.
• Von Graff, a .. veterinarian!? Armed with an MP-44 (Assault Rifle), a Luger, a med-kit, and a knife. He can heal his wounded allies, warm or cold-blooded, or toss them med-kits to use when they need them.
• Velociraptor, if you don't know what a Velociraptor is, go watch Jurassic Park. Now. I'll wait. … .. .. OK, anyways where was I? In combat, you have 2 options, claw your opponents, or pounce them. Clawing does good damage, pouncing is an auto kill. You main weakness? No armor.
• Desmatosuchus, “Tankasaurus”. Seriously, heavily armored and armed with a cannon that fires explosive projectiles. This dino is basically the 'easy button'. Though it IS slow as all hell and can't jump.
• Dilophosaurus, unfortunately this dino doesn't take a cue from JP, it doesn't have a frilled neck and spit poison. It claws it's foes, charges them, and it can pick enemies or goats up and throw them as a weapon. When in doubt, throw a goat.
• Stygimoloch, a fairly well rounded dino, average speed and durability and equipped with a machine gun.

On certain maps, the Axis also obtains a T-Rex, which is big, slow, hard to kill and equipped with dual machine guns that mow down everything in it's path.

Then for the Allies we have:

• Hardgrave, a grunt equipped with an M1 Garand (Semi-automatic infantry rifle), a Colt .45 (I don't even need to explain), Frag grenades, and his fists. If Hardgrave scores enough kills he can 'rage': Unarmed combat, increased damage, increased damage resist.
• Spencer, a grunt equipped with a Tommy Gun (Do you need to ask?), a Colt .45, Sticky bombs (self explanatory, I hope), and his fists. Spencer can also call in an artillery strike.
• Crossley, heavy weapons. Carries a shotgun, a PIAT (anti-tank weapon), smoke grenades, and his fists.
• Vike, sniper. Equipped with a Scoped Mosin-Nagant (Infantry and Sniper rifle), Nagant Revolver, a dead rabbit!?, and her fists. Vike can lob the dead rabbit on to the battle field in order to distract a velociraptor to be so she can kill it safely.
• Brun, medic. Equipped with a STEN (machine gun), P38 (pistol), medkit and, you guessed it, her fists. Brun is pretty good as a 'run and gun' character due to having a decent full auto main weapon, and the ability to heal her allies is a nice touch.. if her player uses it.
• Frank, something of a tank, equipped with a BAR (automatic rifle), a Flechette gun (a gun that fires a scatter shot of blades), frag genades, and his fists.
• Trigger, Allies only dino. A Protoceratops equipped with a machine gun. Basically a re-skin of Stygimoloch.

Now, the first problem we see is: Axis has 4 dinos, Allies have 1, and honestly, who wants to play a silly human? On servers that don't autobalance, this leads to Axis outnumbering Allies frequently.

As well, the balance between Axis and Allies is slightly skewed. The Axis generally feels a tiny bit more powerful, but what shows even more is that the Axis characters all work fairly well solo while for the Allies to really shine they need good solid teamwork.

Problem is? Axis also shine with teamwork.

Balance aside, another major problem with Dino D-Day is it's learning curve. I thought that I was just having problems because I haven't played a FPS in ages.. nope, the controls are not entirely intuitive, and and most of the classes (including most of the dinosaurs) have quirky issues for trying to learn how to play them.

Paired with the lack of any form of single-player/training/practice options and you will find that you spend a LOT of time dead at first.

I will also address a complaint that I have read many times on the game's forum:

They're selling an unfinished MOD as a full-fledged retail release game!

First, it's not a mod, it just uses the Source Engine, though it's original release was as a mod to 'test the waters' so to speak, to see if there was interest in the idea.

As for it being 'unfinished' and 'marketed as a full game', both of those are completely, 100% true. The developers have said, many times, that the game isn't finished. They're constantly working on new updates and content for it, and so far there has been no mention of DLCs for it. So yes, they're selling an 'unfinished game', but the developers need to get income so that they can fund working on their game.

I blame Steam for the marketing, personally.

At present, the game offers 3 gameplay modes, determined by what map you're on:

• Death Match: If I have to explain this to you, please do not ever buy a FPS. There are 3 maps for this option, one includes the T-Rex. (Imagine that, on the map that gets the T-Rex, Axis wins about 9 of 10 times, as opposed to about 3 out of 4 on other Deathmatch maps.)
• King of the Hill: Simply put claim a location and kill your enemies who try to take it. Presently only 2 maps for KotH.
• Objective: Instead of “Rawr, kill everyone!” these 3 maps require you to do specific things, 2 of the 3 are very simple straightforward objectives.. Allies: deliver 5 bombs to an Axis target. Axis: Stop the Allies! The third I've yet to play, but it involves taking machine gun bunkers, and safely escorting a giant dino-tank across the map, while the Allies try to kill it.

Right here, I see a way that the game could be improved: KotH and Objective maps available for Death Match. They have released the DevKit for Dino D-Day so that mapmakers can create their own maps though.

Unfortunately right now most of the dedicated servers are running the T-Rex map 24/7, which .. well.. the map is skewed towards the Axis in the first place, it has the T-Rex which is horribly balanced, and Axis are slightly stronger.. so it gets kinda boring.

They are talking about adding a couple more gameplay modes, including a single player campaign (WOO!) and Survival Mode. Very little details have been given as to what these modes will be like, I would personally like to see Survival Mode have 2 options, 1 a straight up 'survive a horde of enemies' mode, the other more like L4D.

I would also like to see Bots, I know bots suck, people hate bots.. but honestly, especially with the learning curve, a way for someone to play solo would be really useful.

Now, the player base.. right now, due to the rather new nature of the game, and the fact that it's rather poorly balanced, the player base is actually not too bad. I've yet to see excessive taunting and asshattery on wins, nor have I seen mocking and berating of n00bz for not knowing how to play.

So, I gave it a below average score, what would bump it's score up to over five?

• Balance. Balance balance balance balance.
• Single player options, even if it were just the ability to have bots.
• Making certain specials easier to use (I'm looking at you, Raptor Pounce and Dilophasaur Throw).
• More maps, especially balanced maps, and more non-DM maps.
• Death Match mode on all maps.
• More gameplay modes.
• Did I mention balance?

All of them would be nice, but even just a couple would greatly improve my opinion.. especially the balance.

And, a word on achievements: Many of the achievements should be my pet peeve of “you're playing the game how it's supposed to be played!” achievements, but due to how awkward some of the controls are, they're really not. I'm sorry, a standard mechanic being a pain in the ass to pull off doesn't make it a 'real achievement'.

Oh, and a word to my German readers, all.. uh.. one of you:

The game is available in Germany too, as they edited the images and have removed the Swastika, the SS logo, etc. These have all been replaced by actual WWII era German insignia, but ones less known or less associated with Nazis.

For those who are rather opposed to this, I'm just going to leave this here.

TL:DR

“Nazi dinosaurs. That is all.”

Availability and price:
Steam: $9.99

Sanctum

Genre: FPS/Tower Defense hybrid

Developer: Coffee Stain Studios

Publisher: Coffee Stain Studios

Released: 2011

Zolgar paid: $3.74

Beaten: Yes

Zolgar's rating: 5/10 (3/10 for the $15 regular price)

Replayability: Moderate

Not long ago I reviewed Prometheus, an indy game developed on the Unreal engine which took the idea of a FPS and twisted it much like Portal. Well now I bring you Sanctum, another Unreal engine driven indy game that's a major twist on the traditional FPS.

Everyone know what a First Person Shooter, or FPS is.. and if you don't, you can probably figure it out by the title. A shooter.. in the first-person perspective.

Meanwhile a Tower Defense, or TD, as most will know is a game where you have a 'core' or some other funky named thing that only exists for one purpose: lure baddies to it! You build towers to shoot said baddies. Simple enough, eh? If you've never played one you can check out DefendTheTowers.com

Now, on to Sanctum.. Sanctum tried to combine the fast-paced slaughter fest of a FPS with the methodical logic of a TD, and what they create is basically 2 games in one. You alternate between 'build phase' and 'attack phase', both of which are really self explanatory.

In the build phase you place blocks to form your maze, place towers on said blocks, upgrade towers and upgrade your guns. Oddly this is done entirely in 1^st person, instead of allowing you to use the overview (which is only used for teleporting).

In the attack phase, your defense grid goes online, and you run around using one of 3 guns to help your towers kill foes. You 3 guns are: Machine gun with rocket launcher secondary. Sniper rifle. Slow gun with AoE freeze secondary... here lies the first flaw of the game, the guns are horribly balanced.

• Sniper: Very powerful, most useful personal weapon due to foes which are invulnerable except for a weak spot. For critters like that you pretty much need the sniper, as a well built grid will defeat everything else.
• Assault: Useful gun to be sure, but only early in the maps and for one certain foe.. and even then it's not needed beyond maybe T3 upgrades.
• Slow: Awesome in theory, but it's firing speed is slower than the sniper, and it's slow duration is so minimal it's barely worth talking about.

There's also a 4^th gun, but you don't get it in the main playthrough: a full-auto shotgun, and just by the stats.. I'd say that thing is broken completely.

You also have 6 towers to choose from:

• Gatling Tower: You ever so basic ground tower. Full auto, low damage, cheap.
• Lightning: Most games would give this a long rang and call it a Sniper. It deals high damage at a slow firing speed.
• Laser: The only Ground/air tower, fast firing speed, low damage, targets randomly.
• Anti-Air: Air-only, slow firing explosive rounds.
• Mortar: Slow firing speed, arced shot, good damage explosive with a massive range.
• Slow Plate: A plate that slows your foes (and you, WTF?) as they walk over it.

These show a bit better balance than the guns, but still show a certain amount of favor, in general, to high damage. Unlike most TD, you do better with a few towers at higher upgrade levels, than a lot of lower level towers.

You have 12 enemy types, each with specific traits and weak points, most are standard TD fare. Slow tough foes, fast weak foes, flying foes, etc. They all have a 'headshot' zone though (conveniently glowing red), and some of them can only be damaged by being shot there, or otherwise take vastly reduced damage. This is what makes the Sniper so useful (seeing as a 'headshot' deals something like x3 damage).

So what we have established is that, as a FPS Sanctum is .. well.. it doesn't compare to even the most basic of FPS. As a TD Sanctum is.. generic, at best and lacks a lot of useful features that many modern TD players have come to expect.

Combine the two and you have a very fun game though, but one that I feel needs a little something more. First of all, I'd really like it to act like a normal TD and allow you to upgrade towers on the fly, and I'd like the resources to come per-kill instead of a flat amount at the end of each wave, with this mechanic they could have you get a hair more resources for killing the foes yourself, and thus giving you a reason to shoot things other than Bobbleheads.

Also it needs a plot. Even most generic TDs these days have some semblance of a plot. Sanctum? “Defend the core from the monsters.” Why am I here, who am I? Why do the monsters want to attack the core.. hell, what IS the core? There's NO story, no plot, not a damned bit of flavor text. Every map opens up with “you're here to defend the core.”

Lastly: it's short, if you read my Prometheus review you may remember me snarking a bit about how short it was.. well Sanctum is shorter and I paid for it. Six maps. Yep, six of them. Five standard and one endless. Seriously? Even free TDs have more than that.

So what it boils down to is them asking $15 for a ultra short, plotless hybridization of a mediocre TD and a lousy FPS. Someone somewhere is saying “It's got multiplayer, that's what games are about these days, the multiplayer!” This is true, it's got multiplayer, but I'm sorry.. only 6 map options, 4 gun options and 6 tower options, with 12 foes to fight.. that doesn't seem like it really lends itself to any kind of longevity in multiplayer.

Oh, and it has achievements! Well, that'll keep a perfectionist playing for a little while. Granted I didn't give much of a care about them when I got a fair chunk of them from my first (and only) play through and most of those I didn't get were 'Kill X of Y', most of the achievements are the ever-so-meaningless “Hey, you're playing the game, so let's give you a shiny badge every two frelling seconds!”

Of course, they're planning to release DLCs, to make you pay more money for content that should have been in the game from the start. If I had paid full price for this, I would be annoyed.

(Screenshots shamelessly stolen from Steam)

For today's TL:DR I'll bring you what I think the marketing meeting went like:

“Let's see guys, we have no plot, mediocre TD mixed with lousy FPS gameplay, minimal content.. let's charge $15 for it!” “OK, but we have to give them lots of achievements to make it feel like they've done something!”

Pricing and availability:

Steam: $14.99

Direct2Drive: $14.95

Gamers Gate: $14.95

Green Man Games: $14.99

(Note, while it's available from other sources, it has to be activated through Steam. As such it's been tagged Steam Only)